I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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