So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dick very happy bro
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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