Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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