i think i have two assholes
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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