And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
