Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
