So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
