I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
