I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
