Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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