i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
