So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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