I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
