i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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