my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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