Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
