The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
