So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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