it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
