the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
