i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
