I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
