You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
