and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
