my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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