I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
