he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
