matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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