either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
