If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
