so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
