You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
