just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
