Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
