what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
