OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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