Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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