Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
