this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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