Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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