I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
