She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
