I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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