Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
