so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
