Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
