I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
