your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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