Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
