Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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