just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
