i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
